My ‘Cans’ and ‘Can’ts’

On days where you feel as if you can’t do anything right, I think it’s healthy to remind yourself of all the things you are able to do well, just so you can remember you are more than how you might be currently seeing yourself.  Here’s my list of what I know I can do a good job of…

  • I understand that I’m a child of God and trust that his plan for me is right.  I thank him for everyday and know I’ve been blessed beyond what I deserve.
  • I’m a good mama and raised an awesome son who I’m so freaking proud of I can’t stand it.  (Really…he’s that great!)
  • I’m a good daughter and I do the very best I can for all my family.
  • I’m a good friend.
  • I am, according to my students, a good professor (or teacher) – throughout my career, I’ve taught pre-school, elementary school, High School, and now college for 23 years…it’s what I feel I was put on this earth to do in my professional life and it’s truly my passion.
  • I am a loving doggie mommy…and Eddie and Dottie would agree to that if they could actually speak.
  • I can draw, paint, crochet, needlepoint, decoupage, knit, bead, loom, quilt, sew, and do just about any other craft out there (hence, my love of Pinterest).
  • I can decorate a house on a very limited budget and am a pro at finding great buys at antique shops and flea markets.
  • I can re-purpose furniture.
  • I read voraciously and learn something new everyday…I’m an excellent student.
  • I’m a people person…outgoing and friendly, and people say I’m fun to be around.
  • I can run a marathon and have completed 5.
  • I can hike all day without tiring.
  • I can ride any motorcycle out there.
  • I can take care of my own yard and have it look super.
  • I can ride a century (100 miles on a road bike)
  • I can make a mean meal of french toast and sausage.
  • I can make terrific chicken and noodles.
  • I can organize just about anything.
  • I’m a great cleaner…vacuuming, dusting, mopping, laundry, etc.
  • I’m a good writer…have published a book on marriage (oh, the irony) and have several children’s books written that I would like to publish one day.
  • I am a great public speaker…I’ve spoken in front of crowds of thousands, and LOVE it.

Now, here are the things I’m not good at:

  • Not having clear and appropriate boundaries which would help me in keeping out toxic people and not being so clingy with those I want for friends.
  • Not being able to say “NO” to anyone…especially people I care about.
  • Not being able to see people as bad…but only as good people who’ve been dealt a bad hand in life.
  • Not being able to step away from my emotions and look at things with more rationality.
  • Not being able to stop hurting myself just because I’m trying so hard to help another.
  • Not being able to understand when it’s time to let go.

Now, I can see my can list is longer than my can’t list, but the items on the can’t list are the critical ones I need to work on in order to get to a happy, healthy, loving place with myself.  Learning to build fences…saying NO…seeing people in the way they are and not how I WANT them to be…and putting myself first at times are going to be difficult things to turn around.  But I want too.  And I’m working on it everyday.

This is what I know:  Beyond what I wrote above, I also can’t make my narcissist healthy…I can’t make him love me with his true heart…I can’t make him treat me the way he did in the idealize stage…I can’t make him want to work on issues that could lead to changes for both of us…I can’t make him want me for me.  Not for supply.  But for me.  And to know that these ‘can’ts’ can never be fixed are horrible for me to contemplate.  Because on my list of can’s, I should have added this:  I can always have hope in any situation.

Professor K

 

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